for Your arrival.

i'm in seminary

wow.

1. write first chapter in my book. and figure out what the books gonna be about. something about this rising generation and our situation. oh i didn't tell you? i'm going to write a book!

2. solidify at least 10 songs that i want to start using to minister to my church as well as whomever God wants to use them to bless. :)

3. get straight A's at seminary. please.

4. devote at LEAST 6 hours a week in preparation for this new ministry. invest myself in new church

5. figure out my finances

6. sell music equipment i don't need, get rid of random junk i don't need

7. maintain every single friendship that is of value to me

8. love the Lord every day, in every way, in all i say, even when i play, and be His clay. memorize scripture.

9. figure out the next 3 months of my life. maybe 6....or 9.

10. help plan and prepare for openconcert2009!

11. make sure 3, 4, 5, 8, and 13 are priorities. hopefully i can get some of the other stuff done. 

12. after failing at 7, praying about which relationships i need to focus on

13. invest in family

14. go jogging or bballing or rockclimbing or biking or hiking or something every week (AT LEAST). everyday is a goal. for the last 2 years of college, i've seen how lazy i can get in this regard. its all about discipline! but i got a reminder this summer of how fun it is to be in shape.

15. find a.....                muhaha got you! God is good. :)

16. organize my life! this is where it all begins. i'm done with college. hello "real life"!

17. read as much as i can. waste less time. movies and tv are starting to get old. i think i'm falling out of love with what the world can offer. i'm glad.

18. open my eyes everyday

19. figure out when this list is going to end. i think this is a good spot for now.

20. (i lied) pray!

21. write support letter.

22. let go

....i hope...grades come out Friday. I know I did well...but I'm still crazy anxious.

oh these next two days are going to be fun.

"Human beings are totally corrupted by original sin and predestined for heaven or hell, no matter their earthly conduct. We all deserve eternal damnation, but God, in his inscrutable mercy, has granted the grace of salvation to an elect few. While John Calvin’s 16th-century doctrines have deep roots in Christian tradition, they strike many modern evangelicals as nonsensical and even un-Christian. If predestination is true, they argue, then there is no point in missions to the unsaved or in leading a godly life. And some babies who die in infancy — if God placed them among the reprobate — go straight to hell with the rest of the damned, to “glorify his name by their own destruction,” as Calvin wrote. Since the early 19th century, most evangelicals have preferred a theology that stresses the believer’s free decision to accept God’s grace. To be born again is a choice God wants you to make; if you so choose, Jesus will be your personal friend"
"New Calvinists are still relatively few in number, but that doesn’t bother them: being a persecuted minority proves you are among the elect. They are not “the next big thing” but a protest movement, defying an evangelical mainstream that, they believe, has gone soft on sin and has watered down the Gospel into a glorified self-help program."
"Traditional(non-reformed?) evangelical theology falls apart in the face of real tragedy, says the 20-year-old Brett Harris, who runs an evangelical teen blog with his twin brother, Alex. Reducing God to a projection of our own wishes trivializes divine sovereignty and fails to explain how both good and evil have a place in the divine plan"

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/11/magazine/11punk-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

my thoughts soon

i don't know whether i should be importing my notes here or there. i guess having i'll be sure to have it on record.

Some of you Alive09 people already feel the post-retreat slump, but I want to encourage you guys to press on! I don't know how you or your churches are doing, but I want to say that God is going to keep doing amazing things. However, if you LET your faith begin to fade and your desire for Him to grow cold...then you will surely miss out. I hope that this note is further encouragement for you guys and not just because I want it to be, but because I believe that God is speaking to me these things. Whether you believe that I speak the heart of God or this is all just my own personal ramblings; you must decide. If you seriously doubt my character or my heart, then as a brother in the Lord I would ask that you read my entry in order to test my heart. I need it.

For the past couple days I have been constantly crying out to God to help me in my struggles, and His faithfulness in answering is unbelievable. And if my purpose today is to simply declare God's goodness in my life, then that would be enough. ok i guess i'm done now...

haha jk but for real! I feel like I just can't stop from sharing.

Most of these thoughts came to me as I was jogging today and even as I write. Even that is a huge step for me because I have a love/hate relationship with running...I usually end up deciding its too much of a hassle and not worth the pain. I'm nowhere near the level of fitness that I had in high school, and I know unless I join the army or become a serious fitness junkie...I'll probably never reach that level again. But everytime I push myself to take these literal steps of faith, God just opens up the floodgates and speaks volumes and legends in my thoughts that I am only beginning to understand. analogy after analogy. truth after truth.

A couple months ago I likened the spiritual life to that of a race. I marveled at how I was able to sprint towards the finish line once it entered my view. That's why I liked the 55 meter dash so much....just one straight blaze of glory that ignites once the gun goes off. Alive09 was the trigger for the race of my life. The finish line is quite far away, but I can see it. It brings tears to my eyes to remember, but I have tasted what that final day will be like. Those moments of pure joy and unhindered abandonment as I danced and soaking in the presence of the Lord. Can you feel it? Can you remember it?

Never before in my life have I sought to meet with the Lord everyday, every moment, on my own. We usually rely on the church to sustain our spiritual lives, but I believe that my desire to seek the Lord on my own is accelerating my level of intimacy with Him as well as my potential to serve. I wish I could share my whole testimony but I can simply boil it down to a lifelong love story with my creator who knows me better than I will ever understand. He gives me what I NEED, not what I want. I can see that now and I am humbled that He would be so present in my life. He could have just abandoned me to myself, but His love for me protects me from me.

As I'm praying even now for God to reveal to me what I can say to "convince" you to do something or feel someway, I recognize that it is only by the power of the Spirit working in you that will do any real change. So I will just continue to share my testimony and the unreal blessings that keep pouring into my life. I really have no idea if people are even reading this, but regardless, these things are just too big for me to share one on one. I must tell everyone I know! I MUST share that God is doing these craaaaaaazy things in my life that can only be explained by His desire for me to communicate His might and glory.

So will I ever share something tangible? haha, or just keep going in circles talking about how good God is. I could forever...I feel myself wanting to keep doing it over and over and over again.

I know that most of you wouldn't consider me a big screw-up who has no future (maybe some of you do...I have met people in my life who might. I hope I'm wrong, but if that's how you feel...I guess you can stop reading now anyway! I'm surprised that you got this far in the first place). The truth is that regardless of all the things I've done for the Lord, I can't help but feel like a failure when I look at my college grades. or remember the way I treated some of my friends towards the end of my 5th year (yes...5th...because of my grades...). Or when I see the GPC youth and that only some of them are on fire for God. Or when I look at all the time I've wasted in college doing nothing; simply satisfying my flesh with mindless and sinful entertainment. I could go on and on and on and on.

But these days I'm experiencing something new. The Gospel has taught me that I am free from all guilt and shame in Christ name because He received all my blame. I've believed that in my heart, but my head was trapped in guilt. I don't want to admit it either (for their sakes), but I have been scarred by some people (all Christians) in my lifetime. I used to hold grudges, but I have learned the power of reconciliation. Sometimes it still hurts though. I remember how they doubted me and I took it as truth. But Christ sets me free from this. I am His child, and I can say how sweet it is to be loved by you....loved by you!!! I don't share these things to point fingers. Or seek to instill guilt. But I share this for those who have also gone through this. For those of us who have been hurt by the people closest to us. You're not alone, and you'd be surprised that everyone undergoes this kind of pain. Above it all, Jesus wants you to see yourself from His eyes, and not from the eyes of others. The truth is that He does see a failure. He does see someone who is sinful. But I believe that what distinguishes God from man is that He loves even the worst. He can USE even the most hopeless of cases. All it takes is for us to acknowledge that it is HE who is great. It is HE who shines through us. And if anything good or noble or pure comes out of me, it is because God is shining through me. I am an imperfect being made perfect and whole in Him. Jesus' sacrifice took away my sin. Jesus' ressurection gave me life. Are you ready to live this life?

I am. I am so excited. I am so excited for people to not see me anymore. But simply see a walking miracle. An embodiment of all that God can do even in the worst of men. I see now how "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6). Is this all just false humility? One of the truths that God spoke to me at Alive09 was that false humility is when you fish for encouragements, yet deny them to maintain the aura of humbleness. Am I just fishing for encouragements here? haha. who knows. I'll be the first to admit that I am. But God is doing something deeper than that. I don't think I would ever have had the audacity to even share like this before. But again, for the millionth time, I am seeing the goodness of God in my life and I just want to share it. I think some people get discouraged because they have no idea what I'm talking about. They have heard for their whole life that God is good (all the time!), but cannot see the goodness of God in their life. Once again, my only prayer is that you would stop comparing yourself to others, and start seeking God in your everyday life. Let your hunger for God consume your thoughts. Let your love for others grow to the point where it just bursts. Experience freedom in knowing that the Lord is by your side. He is FOR you, and not against you. But only if you belong to Him...

A while back, I got so frustrated while serving at GPC...but then I realized that I may be dealing with non-christians. I don't have the same frustrations anymore. Just as Paul says in Philippians 2:12, "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling". That is the reality of the church. Don't doubt or judge the people around you. That would be the last thing I want. Just love. And your questions will be answered. Your path will be made clear.

I've recently been exposed to Paul Washer. I don't know if you've heard of him, but the stuff he says is pretty extreme. Disagree with him if you like, but I think he has a valid point. One can pray a simple prayer once and receive salvation. But there is a damnable difference between whether it is done out of self-preservation, or there is a genuine life-encounter with Jesus Christ. If there is fruit, then salvation is the likely reason why. If there is NO fruit, then salvation must be questioned. I hope and pray that this entry meant something to you. But if you aren't a Christian, then I pray that you receive Jesus Christ. Let's talk!

I wish I can tag every single friend that I have. Of course there is a great fear of mine that no one will bother reading this entire entry, or even give it a looksee. Wow...and if you do, I'm so encouraged! haha. I know I may be insufferable at times. But I hope and pray that my love for you is genuine.

More to come soon!

-Joe

Paul Baloche on songwriting:

"there really is a birthing process...its like building a house. From the very beginning stages, we're trying to pull out from God's heart. What do we need to be saying to you God that's not being said, what should we be saying to you as a church...

its been said that we'll only remember maybe 10 sermons in our life, but we'll remember hundreds of songs. a lot of our theology and our image of God is formed by the songs that we sing"

I am content in the Lord. People may not like me, want me, care about me, forget about me, but the Lord is with me. I realize that people will let me down, but the Lord never will. There is never a moment in my entire life where I am far from the Lord's heart. His breaks when yours does. His love for you runs deep.

Jesus faced the ultimate rejection, for He was deserving of all our love. Yet He was scorned and mocked and executed. What would our response be? Bitterness, anger, painful self-pity. Instead He shed his blood, gave His life, and endured God's unimaginable wrath for people who reject Him everyday with their sin.

John 1

 10He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13children born not of natural descent,^[c] nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.


With all that being said, rejection sucks. I don't know why, but I've seem to be going through a lot of rejection throughout college. Whether it's with my youth group, my friends, my fellowships, my family and even with yes.............girls. but don't get the idea that i'm like...on the prowl or anything. HAHA ok wow let's get away from that topic for now shall we. I honestly don't mind being vulnerable here, but that's going to be an even longer entry....but I'm not ready yet. so wait for that one!

This rejection that I've experienced has really caused me to battle with loneliness. After freshman year, I didn't live on campus anymore. And the one thing that really has hurt is that out of sight means out of mind. I say this as a confession as well, as I am not the best either with reaching out to friends that are "out of sight" for me, but I'm trying. I've noticed that koreans especially LOVE to form their little clique and stick with them exclusively.  In what way shape or form is this even CLOSE to how God wants our communities to be? Yes, you need your close friends but I just see how this leads straight to complacency. Meeting new people really opens your mind and challenges your perspective of the world. Developing new friendships takes time, energy, and effort. But if the Lord is truly reigning over your life, I don't see how it doesn't make you just want to share it with eveyone!

I love it. For some reason, life seems more particularly....alive....when the temperature starts dropping. Warm weather is pretty soporific for me. I guess I just went through a really song season in my life, and now that it's ending and I'm entering another, it just feels right. I guess it's amazing how God operates in seasons, and how they coincide with the actual season. haha...I guess this is kinda out there right now.

but anyway. yes. My life is changing. Why? Because my attitude is changing. People around me are changing. My direction is changing. There have been so many times in my life where I felt as my love for God was bursting, and that it couldn't get any bigger. But man, He just shows up and continues to blow me away.

Making choices is a hard thing to do. All throughout college I have made some pretty radical choices that have led me to where I am. And now, at the brink of this new season, the choices are getting more harder and more weighty. There is a level of seriousness that I believe is coming from God's heart. Let's get down to business and do this.

And in the most amazing way, God has answered my prayers about Rutgers. My heart has been dying for this campus since I stepped on it, yet I have always felt so powerless to do anything. I constantly have been crying out, yet have been faced with obstacles and opposition. Yet it seems that my prayers are beginning to be answered. I see how God has begun to place in this new generation the heart that I've been dying to see. The heart to strip away all the pretense of "minsitry" and to act and go forth with a new boldness. I really am amazed, because I thought God was ignoring my prayers. But out of nowhere, He just blew me away.

I hope that God continues to speak and love you in this way as well.